1 00:00:00,160 --> 00:00:05,600 Ladies and gents! StopGame presents!  2 00:00:05,600 --> 00:00:10,400 Lara Croft Your Fortune's in my hands!  3 00:00:10,400 --> 00:00:12,960 Versus Nathan Drake!  4 00:00:12,960 --> 00:00:15,000 And here’s your Tomb! 5 00:00:15,000 --> 00:00:20,000 Le-e-et's Pla-a-ay! 6 00:00:20,000 --> 00:00:24,000 Ladies first, but I’ll begin! This crazy boy thinks he can win! 7 00:00:24,000 --> 00:00:28,000 Drake’s just a replica — fake and thin, His Insta lacks that blue check-in! 8 00:00:28,000 --> 00:00:32,160 But Lara Croft – I set the age, I gave the genre its rightful stage. 9 00:00:32,160 --> 00:00:36,320 No third-person shooters would ever unfold, Without my Raids of Tombs untold! 10 00:00:36,320 --> 00:00:40,640 Every boy had me for his first crush, Dreamed to touch me — in a blushing rush! 11 00:00:40,640 --> 00:00:44,800 Girls looked up – a model bright, Millionaire beauty, fierce in fight! 12 00:00:44,800 --> 00:00:48,880 Yes, I’m rich, I’m grand — beware! Won’t bow down to fashion frauds! 13 00:00:48,880 --> 00:00:52,800 Why are you lounging like royal heir? I’m in the game — and EVERY gets hard! 14 00:00:52,800 --> 00:00:56,960 I climbed every platform, don’t forget, From retro Game Boy to VR headset. 15 00:00:56,960 --> 00:01:00,800 Even "Sony" is in that list, For me just nothing Uncharted exists! 16 00:01:00,800 --> 00:01:04,640 A lot of proofs how I paved the way! I found more relics than words can say, 17 00:01:04,640 --> 00:01:09,360 And I don’t read guides for puzzles — My mind hits harder than muscles! 18 00:01:09,360 --> 00:01:13,760 And you, Nate, so pity — it’s my frustration, Forever you lean on Fortune’s salvation. 19 00:01:13,760 --> 00:01:17,680 So why the praise? Where’s ascension? Marco Polo, for you, is just pool recreation! 20 00:01:17,680 --> 00:01:21,280 No courage, like a man in a skirt, Next to my fire — you’re nothing but dirt! 21 00:01:21,280 --> 00:01:26,160 You’ll dig up nothing on me, just with fists, A fake adventurer — no archaeologist! 22 00:01:26,160 --> 00:01:30,080 Second-hand hero, fake to the bone, Needle sewn Drake, no crown, no throne! 23 00:01:30,080 --> 00:01:34,480 Let me drop one honest token — Nathan Drake? Nah, you’re just Morgan! 24 00:01:34,480 --> 00:01:38,560 You stole a great name to fake your fame, Without that trick, none would care for your game! 25 00:01:38,560 --> 00:01:42,400 I shedded blood and sweat for my fame, To glorify Croft's surname! 26 00:01:42,400 --> 00:01:44,640 Wanna to play me on screen? Get an Oscar at least! 27 00:01:44,640 --> 00:01:46,720 And what's about your movie? It just won’t be released! 28 00:01:46,720 --> 00:01:50,320 Pathetic doggy, don’t make such fuss, You lost your Helen like Menelaus! 29 00:01:50,320 --> 00:01:54,880 And when she came back and ready to fight, You sat her down on the couch for the night. 30 00:01:54,880 --> 00:01:59,120 For adventurers what could be worse, Than doors to the world closed? 31 00:01:59,120 --> 00:02:03,280 Your daughter may say: “My dad’s the best!” But Cassandra won’t pass the test! 32 00:02:03,280 --> 00:02:07,520 Remember! I'm the queen of all adventures I am the Alpha and Omega of all ventures, 33 00:02:07,520 --> 00:02:12,873 Even if your voice is sweet like cake, Everyone hears only quacking of a drake! 34 00:02:16,000 --> 00:02:19,920 Wow! So much toxic bile! The history whispers that's in your style, 35 00:02:19,920 --> 00:02:23,840 Lara’s jealous, can’t you see? That’s why you’re picking a fight with me. 36 00:02:23,840 --> 00:02:28,000 I showed up when the world got tired, Of girls with guns — men were required! 37 00:02:28,000 --> 00:02:32,080 With charm and wit I saved the globe, While you're a tomb-raiding rogue. 38 00:02:32,080 --> 00:02:36,160 You let the whole damn genre die, Dragged it down while you stole the eye. 39 00:02:36,160 --> 00:02:40,320 But I breathed the art in the cold corpse, And reanimated it of course! 40 00:02:40,320 --> 00:02:44,480 Yeah, you showed the whole world's view, But always the same old deja vu. 41 00:02:44,480 --> 00:02:48,640 All dreamt of pyramids far and wide, But really, just the ones you hide! 42 00:02:48,640 --> 00:02:52,800 Each horny fan picked up his flute, Though clueless what a note can do, 43 00:02:52,800 --> 00:02:56,960 He launched the game — pursuit of “cute”, But clicked “install” on Nude Mod too! 44 00:02:56,960 --> 00:03:01,280 You dreamed of flying with eagles, But jumped too far — straight to the wall! 45 00:03:01,280 --> 00:03:05,360 You've made charts like all the Beatles, But the fame belongs to Paul! 46 00:03:05,360 --> 00:03:09,360 You cannot step over my achievements, Even if you're grander! 47 00:03:09,360 --> 00:03:13,440 And no one can see any good story twists, Like breasts of Vikander! 48 00:03:13,440 --> 00:03:17,680 So far! She's a so big star, The entire franchise gets points for that 49 00:03:17,680 --> 00:03:21,680 But now if your breasts are so flat, You're no longer Miss Croft, you're mis-cast! 50 00:03:21,680 --> 00:03:25,920 Your fortune came from another’s wings, I’ve seen your type, those lazy heirs. 51 00:03:25,920 --> 00:03:30,000 It’s easy to boast of golden things, Taken from wealth that was never theirs. 52 00:03:30,000 --> 00:03:34,080 I rowed hard against the flow, And earned my great role, 53 00:03:34,080 --> 00:03:38,320 Now fans see you and skip the show, They see me - and buy the console! 54 00:03:38,320 --> 00:03:42,400 I was released for PS solely, But gathered all trophies instead, 55 00:03:42,400 --> 00:03:46,880 While all you got was flies only, Mouth wide open, hungry, unfed! 56 00:03:46,880 --> 00:03:50,720 Let's have look at the charts, My games have passed the time test! 57 00:03:50,720 --> 00:03:55,040 And that's because the Uncharted Has even graphics, damn it, the best! 58 00:03:55,040 --> 00:03:59,280 Landscapes, grand architecture, My art defines the sharpness. 59 00:03:59,280 --> 00:04:03,360 Yeah, I might clip through texture — But won’t fall like the Angel of Darkness! 60 00:04:03,360 --> 00:04:07,520 Hit me hard, I won’t corrode, Forged strong from cold titanium. 61 00:04:07,520 --> 00:04:12,987 Midas touched you — pure fool’s gold, He’ll touch me and see platinum! 62 00:04:19,120 --> 00:04:22,000 I grabbed an oar in vain, Did I get to Venice again? 63 00:04:22,000 --> 00:04:25,760 Oh no, I messed up, it’s Drake, Spitting more water than a damn lake! 64 00:04:25,760 --> 00:04:29,840 Success is wrapped in mystery, Crying on my gender? But let's be fair! 65 00:04:29,840 --> 00:04:34,400 One girl beat you, another took the history, You brag of "Pe-eS"? A girl's Styler for hair! 66 00:04:34,400 --> 00:04:38,320 Go praising loud your lame Uncharted, And maybe it's an attractive decoy. 67 00:04:38,320 --> 00:04:40,320 Do you think clones are  lucky when they're restarted?  68 00:04:40,320 --> 00:04:42,320 But everyone knows that every boy 69 00:04:42,320 --> 00:04:46,400 Dreams of me — to raid his tomb, Wherever I show — desire will bloom. 70 00:04:46,400 --> 00:04:51,144 So, Nathan, honey, admit your doom, You are a guest in my treasure room! 71 00:04:52,400 --> 00:04:56,160 All your games ride on rails, Almost no gameplay — a scripted rehash! 72 00:04:56,160 --> 00:05:00,320 And if one dares to check the details, Lieutenant Triple-A? Private Trash! 73 00:05:00,320 --> 00:05:04,400 To fire up crowds with thunder and heat, I’d never take lessons from Sony’s seat. 74 00:05:04,400 --> 00:05:09,040 She hugs like mommy but as for me, All she can offer is Q-T-E! 75 00:05:09,040 --> 00:05:12,880 You’ll vanish like Buckingham’s friend, Not Drake’s Fortune — a Thief’s dead End! 76 00:05:12,880 --> 00:05:17,760 Maybe Among the thieves you’re one exception, But “top spot”? — Drake’s true Deception! 77 00:05:17,760 --> 00:05:22,160 Hah! That’s a thief’s true glory — I steal your love but sell the story. 78 00:05:22,160 --> 00:05:26,240 None knows the recipe for their creation, So PC nerds burn in frustration! 79 00:05:26,240 --> 00:05:30,080 And you play pretend, like you really care, Raiding tombs of the Earth without a prayer. 80 00:05:30,080 --> 00:05:32,320 You call it “Rise” but it's  just fall to the floor,  81 00:05:32,320 --> 00:05:34,480 Lara’s chest opens and nothing more. 82 00:05:34,480 --> 00:05:38,400 No one wants Croft as a friend, No wit, no soul, you're not in trend, 83 00:05:38,400 --> 00:05:42,240 So why the pride, what do you claim? No riddles in you, just shallow fame. 84 00:05:42,240 --> 00:05:46,320 You cried for a deer, oh, sobbing queen, Committed genocide in the very next scene! 85 00:05:46,320 --> 00:05:50,560 You’re raging — such bloody mess! Heroine’s growth? No — PMS! 86 00:05:50,560 --> 00:05:54,640 We shake the room, make gamers shout, Keep them awake, no burning out. 87 00:05:54,640 --> 00:05:58,720 We keep them wired, no chance to nap, But Drake-facepalms stalk all your crap. 88 00:05:58,720 --> 00:06:02,880 Rihanna Pratchett wrecked your frame, Her father weeps in heaven’s name. 89 00:06:02,880 --> 00:06:07,280 God gave no gift, her talent’s none, That apple hit dirt and kept rolling on. 90 00:06:07,280 --> 00:06:11,200 Lara, stop clowning around! I’ve proved my point, now stand your ground! 91 00:06:11,200 --> 00:06:16,320 I won’t cast pearls to prove you wrong, So, get lost, Miss Independent and Strong! 92 00:06:16,320 --> 00:06:20,240 Now my turn’s begun, I’ll set it right, I’ll weigh each one! 93 00:06:20,240 --> 00:06:25,519 I’m the force to raise the genre high, So feel my wrath rain from the sky! 94 00:06:32,868 --> 00:06:37,280 Kids chase my scores, Back off my grand throne! 95 00:06:37,280 --> 00:06:41,200 So, you started Star Wars, I’ll end it — Solo, on my own! 96 00:06:41,200 --> 00:06:45,200 You act like Icarus, fly too free, And you shriek like tied to a pillory! 97 00:06:45,200 --> 00:06:49,360 You’re Walsh and Piccard, deep in the sea, But, I'm Edmund, damn it, Hillary! 98 00:06:49,360 --> 00:06:53,440 When Indy cracks his whip — beware, That’s your cue to kneel or nap! 99 00:06:53,440 --> 00:06:59,440 ’Cause unlike them, I’m always there, With my hat — I close the gap! 100 00:06:59,440 --> 00:07:04,240 But we blew like a nuke, pure detonation, While you froze in your fridge of stagnation! 101 00:07:04,240 --> 00:07:08,400 Now you’re whimpering, weak little gecko, ’Cause you stepped on Lego! 102 00:07:08,400 --> 00:07:12,240 Oh God! “Indie” turned to a name, For dull and weak creation! 103 00:07:12,240 --> 00:07:16,480 We ain’t no Coen bros, not the same — Old farts don’t get invitations! 104 00:07:16,480 --> 00:07:20,400 I’ve moved the mountains, I’ve crossed the line, And all these years have taught me one sign: 105 00:07:20,400 --> 00:07:25,710 It’s better to quit while you’re a hero, Than hit “reboot” and turn to zero! 106 00:07:28,000 --> 00:07:32,160 My wealth can’t fit in any store, I’m in the books, in legends’ lore, 107 00:07:32,160 --> 00:07:37,063 Persistence burns — it fades out never, So I’ll be Raiding Tombs forever!